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The University of Michigan Has News for D&D 4th Edition Players

I usually save links for Gnome Rodeos [1], but I’m so swamped with last-mile work on Eureka [2] (Gnome Stew’s upcoming book) that I haven’t had time to do a rodeo lately — so this one gets a quickie article of its own.

The University of Michigan (my alma mater — and believe me, the irony isn’t escaping me) recently completed a study of niche hobbyists [3], including gamers. They looked for common traits among folks who enjoy niche hobbies, and buried among the boring stuff were two interesting findings.

First, that gamers are no less likely to have significant others, get laid from time to time, have kids, and generally lead normal lives than anyone else. No surprise, really — sure, our tribe welcomes many awkward folks (including yours truly, in years past), but by and large we’re just normal people with a shared passion that’s a bit outside the mainstream (though growing less so every day).

Second, that among gamers who self-identified as players of D&D 4e, more than 6% also self-identified as “active participants in bestiality.” UofM did a follow-up to the study to delve into some of the more surprising results, like this one, and found that the bestiality folks overwhelmingly listed donkeys as their preferred “non-human animal companion” of choice.

So what’s the takeaway here?

If you play D&D 4th Edition, you’re probably a donkey-fucker.

That’s certainly news to me. I’ve played with hundreds of gamers at GenCon over the years, so I’ve probably gamed with at least one donkey-fucker nearly every year since 1997.

And since I’m currently involved in two 4e campaigns, does that make me twice as likely to fuck donkeys? (That will certainly be news to my wife…)

So how about it, dirty, dirty donkey-fuckers 4e players: Do you buy UofM’s results, or dispute them? And is anyone brave enough to own up to being a donkey-fucker?

13 Comments (Open | Close)

13 Comments To "The University of Michigan Has News for D&D 4th Edition Players"

#1 Comment By Matthew J. Neagley On April 1, 2010 @ 4:12 am

Well, suddenly this makes more sense:

#2 Comment By Serendipity On April 1, 2010 @ 5:34 am


I woke my wife up laughing so hard.
Happy April Fool’s Day!

#3 Comment By TwoShedsJackson On April 1, 2010 @ 8:08 am

So, when you said “that gamers are no less likely to have significant others, get laid from time to time” — you were talking about donkeys?

The survey should have followed up with a question about whether the participant had been able to get the donkey interested in D&D, and if so, how they did it.

#4 Comment By Lychess On April 1, 2010 @ 8:17 am

This explains a lot.

I started playing 4E when it first came out, but soon found myself having “strange” donkey dreams. After switching to Pathfinder the dreams stopped…

I think I’ll start up a new 4E campaign.

#5 Comment By Kurt “Telas” Schneider On April 1, 2010 @ 2:29 pm

This explains the 4E boom on the US-Mexico border…

#6 Comment By jermwar On April 1, 2010 @ 5:55 pm

Not a prude, but not what I want in my in-box either. I’ll be unsubscribing from your feed.

#7 Comment By Martin Ralya On April 1, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

[5] – The study was unclear on that point. 😉

[6] – I’m sorry to see you (or anyone else) go. The Stew generally doesn’t offend, but we have our moments.

#8 Pingback By For the Dice Rollers « Shock and Paw On April 2, 2010 @ 9:15 am

[…] The University of Michigan has news for DnD 4th Edition Players […]

#9 Comment By longtooth On April 2, 2010 @ 10:30 am

LOL! That was overflowing with awesomeness!

Rare, but not unheard of “Swagger Gnomes”

#10 Comment By BryanB On April 2, 2010 @ 4:01 pm

Worst Gnomestew article EVAR. Congratulations. 😀

#11 Comment By yomanimus_fightrightly On April 2, 2010 @ 9:49 pm

I do not fuck donkeys, sir. The donkey, sir, fucks me.

#12 Pingback By Mr. Topp and the Big Bad Blog » Links, including roleplaying, protests and bestiality On April 3, 2010 @ 4:14 am

[…] April Fools Day has been made incredibly awful by the Internet. It seriously sucks to be a blog reader when it rolls around. But roleplaying blog Gnome Stew had a great one: Citing a study that found that D&D 4E players fuck donkeys. […]

#13 Comment By deadlytoque On April 4, 2010 @ 6:24 pm

Reading this several days later, and in an RSS feed without the date, I was quite surprised, both by the content, and by the language (The Stew is not known for dropping f-bombs) in this article!

So, colour me calmed when I clicked onto the page and saw the byline. Good one!

#14 Comment By gl00ml0rd On April 8, 2010 @ 7:59 am

[6] – Well, jermwar can do what he likes… I registered with The Stew just to post this comment, so you’re breaking even on membership changes as a result of this post.

Much like deadlytoque, I read this several days after the fact without noticing the date and had a good laugh when I realized it. Thanks!

#15 Comment By Martin Ralya On April 8, 2010 @ 8:36 pm

You know, I always forget that April Fools articles have a life of their own AFTER the big day… 😉

[7] – Welcome to the Stew!

#16 Pingback By Gnomecast#4 – Make Your NPCs Flawed | Gnome Stew On September 21, 2017 @ 10:28 am

[…] The University of Michigan Has News for D&D 4th Edition Players […]