The University of Michigan Has News for D&D 4th Edition Players
I usually save links for Gnome Rodeos, but I’m so swamped with last-mile work on Eureka (Gnome Stew’s upcoming book) that I haven’t had time to do a rodeo lately — so this one gets a quickie article of its own.
The University of Michigan (my alma mater — and believe me, the irony isn’t escaping me) recently completed a study of niche hobbyists, including gamers. They looked for common traits among folks who enjoy niche hobbies, and buried among the boring stuff were two interesting findings.
First, that gamers are no less likely to have significant others, get laid from time to time, have kids, and generally lead normal lives than anyone else. No surprise, really — sure, our tribe welcomes many awkward folks (including yours truly, in years past), but by and large we’re just normal people with a shared passion that’s a bit outside the mainstream (though growing less so every day).
Second, that among gamers who self-identified as players of D&D 4e, more than 6% also self-identified as “active participants in bestiality.” UofM did a follow-up to the study to delve into some of the more surprising results, like this one, and found that the bestiality folks overwhelmingly listed donkeys as their preferred “non-human animal companion” of choice.
So what’s the takeaway here?
If you play D&D 4th Edition, you’re probably a donkey-fucker.
That’s certainly news to me. I’ve played with hundreds of gamers at GenCon over the years, so I’ve probably gamed with at least one donkey-fucker nearly every year since 1997.
And since I’m currently involved in two 4e campaigns, does that make me twice as likely to fuck donkeys? (That will certainly be news to my wife…)
So how about it, dirty, dirty donkey-fuckers 4e players: Do you buy UofM’s results, or dispute them? And is anyone brave enough to own up to being a donkey-fucker?
Our second book, Masks: 1,000 Memorable NPCs for Any Roleplaying Game, is now available in print and PDF!
Reviewing Masks, RPG Blog II said, "Masks is a system-neutral, well-organized treasury of memorable, easy-to-use NPCs that will add to any Game Master’s arsenal."
Buy Masks now and start using it in your game tonight!
15 Comments, Comment or Ping
Matthew J. Neagley
Well, suddenly this makes more sense:
http://www.youmeetinatavern.com/index.php?topic=596.0
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
Serendipity
*applause*
I woke my wife up laughing so hard.
Happy April Fool’s Day!
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
TwoShedsJackson
So, when you said “that gamers are no less likely to have significant others, get laid from time to time” — you were talking about donkeys?
The survey should have followed up with a question about whether the participant had been able to get the donkey interested in D&D, and if so, how they did it.
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
Lychess
This explains a lot.
I started playing 4E when it first came out, but soon found myself having “strange” donkey dreams. After switching to Pathfinder the dreams stopped…
I think I’ll start up a new 4E campaign.
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
Kurt "Telas" Schneider
This explains the 4E boom on the US-Mexico border…
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
jermwar
Not a prude, but not what I want in my in-box either. I’ll be unsubscribing from your feed.
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
Martin Ralya
@TwoShedsJackson – The study was unclear on that point.
@jermwar – I’m sorry to see you (or anyone else) go. The Stew generally doesn’t offend, but we have our moments.
Apr 1st, 2010 - Link
longtooth
LOL! That was overflowing with awesomeness!
Rare, but not unheard of “Swagger Gnomes”
Apr 2nd, 2010 - Link
BryanB
Worst Gnomestew article EVAR. Congratulations.
Apr 2nd, 2010 - Link
yomanimus_fightrightly
I do not fuck donkeys, sir. The donkey, sir, fucks me.
Apr 2nd, 2010 - Link
deadlytoque
Reading this several days later, and in an RSS feed without the date, I was quite surprised, both by the content, and by the language (The Stew is not known for dropping f-bombs) in this article!
So, colour me calmed when I clicked onto the page and saw the byline. Good one!
Apr 4th, 2010 - Link
gl00ml0rd
@jermwar – Well, jermwar can do what he likes… I registered with The Stew just to post this comment, so you’re breaking even on membership changes as a result of this post.
Much like deadlytoque, I read this several days after the fact without noticing the date and had a good laugh when I realized it. Thanks!
Apr 8th, 2010 - Link
Martin Ralya
You know, I always forget that April Fools articles have a life of their own AFTER the big day…
@gl00ml0rd – Welcome to the Stew!
Apr 8th, 2010 - Link
Reply to “The University of Michigan Has News for D&D 4th Edition Players”
Login to comment on this article. Not a member yet? Register now.