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Surgery on Gnomes is Expensive!

Posted By Matthew J. Neagley On August 13, 2008 @ 2:34 am In GMing Advice | 12 Comments

Alright. I admit it. It’s just a guess. I’ve never played in a game that had gnomes, surgery, and currency based economics, so I can’t prove that surgery is one of those things that’s effected by size category. I just get the gut feeling that since gnomes are small, the higher precision detail work required for performing surgery on them would command a price multiplier. Given the already astronomical price of surgery, that means surgery on gnomes probably auto-crits the ol’ wallet.

So? What can YOU as GM do about the price of surgery on gnomes? Well, we’ve dicussed before (see point 5) the fact that the GM is a De facto leader of the gaming group, so it’s not beyond your power (and ethical responsibility, btw) to guide the behavior of your troupe of gnomes. This means setting a good example, at least on game day, for behaviors you’d like to see them emulate. You don’t want to get preachy or pedantic, but simply opting for a salad instead of a pizza, or carrot sticks instead of Cheetos, sitting with good posture, GMing while standing or walking (which incidentally is likely to help your delivery) ,  keeping stress levels down, and taking regular breaks to stretch your legs (not to smoke, you cancer addicts!) will go a long way towards encouraging healthy behaviors in your group.

What’re your thoughts on this? Is it part of a GM’s responsibility? What are some good beahaviors you’ve modeled for your group? Has it worked? Inquiring gnomes want to know!

About  Matthew J. Neagley

First introduced to RPGs through the DnD Red Box Set in 1990, Matt fights on ongoing battle with GMing ADD, leaving his to-do list littered with the broken wrecks of half-formed campaigns, worlds, characters, settings, and home-brewed systems. Luckily, his wife is also a GM, providing him with time on both sides of the screen.




12 Comments (Open | Close)

12 Comments To "Surgery on Gnomes is Expensive!"

#1 Comment By Target On August 13, 2008 @ 8:36 am

My wife and I have found (as players) that just bringing a plate of veggies and making sure there is a real dinnner has helped tremendously. Though Cheetos are still tasty.

#2 Comment By koranes On August 13, 2008 @ 8:59 am

I think gnome surgery would be for free, because no one would ever demand a gnome to pay, or would they?

#3 Comment By LesInk On August 13, 2008 @ 10:26 am

Veggie trays? Nah. People eat what they eat and I don’t feel that’s my responsibility in the slightest. For many of my players, it’s their chosen time to snack and that doesn’t necessarily reflect their normal eating habits.

However, I do believe in taking breaks (especially in long session). It usually is coupled with my need to setup the next scenario.

And if its at my house, I expect to do the usual hosting things (clean play area, access to drinks/water, restrooms, quiet environment, etc.).

#4 Comment By BryanB On August 13, 2008 @ 10:47 am

It is neither my responsibility nor my desire to influence or encourage one way of eating over another. In other words, “Get your celery sticks out of my chip dip, unless you forgot to bring your Cheese Whiz.” :)

I consider gaming to be a social activity. Snacks and beverages are just part of the fun, especially when everyone brings things to share. People eat what they want to eat. I’m not going to be the food police and I certainly won’t inflict my notions of a healthy diet on others. I expect the same consideration in return.

Since I game twice a month on average, I consider gaming days to be something of a free day. Bring on the pizza, the subs, the chips and dips and/or the cookies. I’ll worry about what I consume on the rest of the days in the month.

If someone wants to bring apple wedges or celery sticks then that is great. It won’t stop me from offering them a slice of pizza or a snicker doodle though. :)

#5 Comment By Scott Martin On August 13, 2008 @ 11:08 am

While it’s not the GM’s responsibility (they have plenty else on their plates, thanks), if the GM wants to make it easy for people to eat as healthily as they wish, I’m strongly behind that. If the host wants to do the same– or if any guest wants to bring carrot sticks to share– the thought, at least, is appreciated.

On the other hand, we all GM and we all interact as friends. If I’m going to learn from someone else’s example, I can do that in any of our interactions. Many of my friends provide positive examples in their life everyday… they don’t have to thrust their chest out on game day to bring it to my attention.

#6 Comment By Martin Ralya On August 13, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

I’m in the “Not my responsibility” camp. Actually, I’m one of my group’s two junk food enablers — I bring candy nearly every week. ;)

The weeks when Starburst Jelly Beans make an appearance are particularly bad. Those things should really be regulated…

#7 Comment By Swordgleam On August 13, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

The “good behavior” I want to model isn’t bring healthy food, it’s bring food, period! I bring soda. One of my players is usually nice enough to bring candy bars. Another player sometimes cooks us all pasta, and another buys expensive cheese to share when he DMs. So it all works out, and no one is that much of a mooch.

#8 Comment By Kurt “Telas” Schneider On August 14, 2008 @ 1:27 pm

I know that I’ll eat healthy if it’s there, so it only makes sense to provide something healthy for others. I wouldn’t overdo it, though – a simple veggie tray or offering to order something other than pizza should be enough.

I’m at Gen Con now, and HOLY SHIT some of you guys need to watch yourselves. When you can’t walk, but have to frakking waddle from game to game, you might want to cut back on the sugar-coated fat bombs… It ain’t rocket surgery.

OTOH, pushing health food on others is a mortal sin.

#9 Comment By BryanB On August 14, 2008 @ 4:09 pm

We used to have a player that would harp on everyone about eating pizza, candy, chips, cookies, or anything else they brought to the game session.

He would then show up to the game with a giant bag of McDonalds including several cheeseburgers, fries, and the supposedly “healthy” fish sandwich. When it wasn’t McDonalds it was a large bag of Long John Silvers a.k.a. “bag-o-gutbomb,” with the fish content supposedly making it a healthy food choice.

Talk about a pot calling the kettle black. Reminds me of that Eddie Murphy movie where his dad or uncle says,” Don’t talk to me about healthy… I know what healthy is,” as he pours a gravy boat over his plate. It is rather ironic and somewhat hilarious to have a guy that weighs more than 350 pounds lecturing the gaming group on healthy choices when he is clueless about his own.

#10 Comment By Martin Ralya On August 14, 2008 @ 8:36 pm

@BryanB: Your story reminds me of my favorite Tenacious D track, Drive-Thru, where Jack Black orders this huge pile of food and then finishes up with this:

“Okay, and I’m gonna go with a fillet of fish sandwich, since that has less calories, ‘cuz it’s fish.” ;)

#11 Comment By Matthew J. Neagley On August 15, 2008 @ 8:47 am

I think there are plenty of examples here of precisely how NOT to go about this. I don’t want to be lectured or have stuff pushed on me any more than the rest of you and I doubt anyone out there does.

OTOH, making sure there are options available, and choosing to excersise those options yourself is all you should need to do to encourage the same behavior in your group.

#12 Comment By Lord Inar On March 5, 2010 @ 4:55 pm

Simple. Bring what you would like to eat.

Then, if you want others to eat it (i.e., you’re being surreptitiously healthy), make it flavorful (salsa’s always good,) bite-sized, and put it within arms’ reach.

If you want it to stay untouched, make your healthy food messy, require utensils the host doesn’t have, have to cut it and microwave it, set it out after the first round of snacks and then leave it covered in the kitchen.

Good rules for any kind of pot luck, really.
Properly prepared pot luck food almost always gets fully devoured.


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