Face it: You’ll never match the polish and cool factor of a published adventure developed by a team of professional game designers in your home game.

Nothing you run will ever be as cool as your favorite movie, with talented actors, a multi-million dollar budget, an experienced director and a massive creative push from dozens and dozens of other people.

There’s no way the plotline of your campaign will ever equal the story in your favorite book, or that the NPCs you roleplay will convey the sound and fury that they would if you were a Broadway actor.

You should quit, right here, right now, and never GM again.

Because you know nothing you can possibly do — from creating your own adventures and homebrewing your own worlds to entertaining your players and giving them the rich, enjoyable experience they deserve at the gaming table — will ever measure up to Hollywood, to quality television, to the Lord of the Rings.

So quit. Now. Before you embarrass yourself at your next session.

If you can’t equal — or exceed — a blockbuster movie, Broadway show, piece of classical literature or even an episode of The X-Files, why should you try?

Stop wasting your time. Go play video games. Go watch a movie. Enjoy the fruits of someone else’s labors, because lord knows your players aren’t enjoying the fruits of your labors as much as they’d enjoy watching a great action flick or re-reading Snow Crash.