Dinna mind the intrusion. ‘Tis just meself, Captain Hyman Grinder and me crew, taking liberty with your Stew. (Arr, a poet and dinna know it…)

Listen up, sea-dogs! Thar be a right powerful day on the morrow… ‘Tis International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So swab your poop-decks and polish your hornpipe, me laddies and lasses, or I’ll be teachin’ ye the real meaning of “Jolly Roger”.

Now don’t go gettin’ yer britches in a sheepshank. Me and the crew, you see, we ain’t no pirates! Narr… We’re just, arr, what ye might call, er, yachting enthusiasts. Aye! That’s it indeed. Yachting enthusiasts.

What’s that? Do I know any good pirate jokes? Sure, lad…

• So this pirate, he walks into a bar, and he’s got a wee little ship’s wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender, he asks (in a polite way, of course) what is up with the wee little ship’s wheel, and the pirate, he says “Arr. It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
• What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both like to say “Yo ho!”
• I asked a landlubber if he’s ever been sucked a-sea before, and he snapped back that he’s been blown ashore many a time!

But enough of these here fun and games! Steer your browser back to the Stew on the morrow, and we’ll have a bit o’ grog for ye.

Aye, that means Saturday, you bilge rats!